How to prepare for healing

So, the scans are done, and we're waiting for Monday.  Monday is when we meet with our oncology team, and they're going to tell us what they see, and what they want to do next. There are a few options and scenarios that we have been told could play out.

1. The chemo worked, and the cancer has shrunk (probably means 4 more cycles of chemo)
2. The chemo matured the cancer, but it's still the same size (possibly more chemo, probable surgery)
3. The chemo did nothing noticeable
4. The cancer has spread (unlikely; more chemo at increased doses)
5. It's healed. (that one is ours)

We're praying for healing. We're praying that we walk in on Monday, and they say, "We need to do another scan, because there was either an error with the MRI machine, or it's gone." That's what I feel strongly about praying for. Exactly that. We believe in healing; we've seen and heard miraculous stories of God breaking through, of heaven invading earth at the opportune moment. I know about the different kinds of prayers; I've read Richard Foster and Andrew Murray.

As much as I say we trust Jesus in this, I am finding that I'm quite superstitious. Making sure I pray the right way, hoping I say the right things, making sure I don't offend God while we wait. I'm afraid I'll jinx a healing. Or, if we go into the office and it's the same or worse, that it reflects poorly on us or on God. Maybe it's the desperate need for control; to feel that we can hit the right formula to stir the hand of God.

I realize that I also treat God's presence and His favor as a limited resource. As if, in order to heal Imogen, someone else is ignored. A seventeen year old boy just died from his cancer a couple of days ago in our hospital. What right do I have to ask God to intervene for Imogen? Didn't Brandon's mom pray just as feverishly for her son in his last moments?

I don't understand a lot of this, and I'm learning as we go, but I know God isn't like that. Myself? I can't imagine a more perfect way for God to show Himself than through a miracle, but I've already seen His hand in the midst of sickness. It's as if God said, "I've proved trustworthy up to this point, will you trust me still?" This is probably the most literally that I have understood that "His ways are not our ways." Up is down, cursed is blessed, healing comes from brokenness. We have felt His presence, we've seen His people come to our aid in unbelievable ways. I can feel your prayers from around the world. But it's still a mystery, and it's not easy. So, I don't think faith nullifies preparedness. There's an old proverb that says something like this: The horse is prepared for battle, but victory belongs to the Lord. 

So we're making our plans, but they're surrendered. We're praying for healing, but planning for anything. Thank you for praying with us. And if it's another outcome, pray that we make the right choices moving forward.